No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
