What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
