Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
