my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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