Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
