i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
