thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
