just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
