My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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