Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
