I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
