I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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