i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Alive.
So much puke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
