You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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