I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
