I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think people are normalizing furries
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
