dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
