I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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