Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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