I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
