Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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