Soap is not a condiment
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We have started to decorate penises.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
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