but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
