If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
