Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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