So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I still have a little drunk in my system
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
