She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
