8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
