I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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