The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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