my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
