Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
