Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
