i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
