I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Floor bacon is actually really good
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
