piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
