I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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