Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
