I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your cock deserves a montage
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
