So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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