I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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