You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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