Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
