i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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