Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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