i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
