I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
