I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
