Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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