my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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