Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
